Sleepless Nights Meridian
by LE McMurray
Summary: The remaining three members of SG1 reflect on the loss of Daniel
1. Jack

Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad as always for betaing.

I originally wrote this directly after seeing Meridian but couldn't go near it until after I saw Abyss when I finished the other two as well.

* * *

**JACK **

He's gone.

I opened my mouth and told Jacob to stop, to stop saving him and now…

He's not dead. I keep reminding myself of this; he's not dead.

He's just gone.

x

I don't understand why he left but to be perfectly honest I guess I never really did understand him. Daniel was one of those people who was just brilliant and not only in the IQ area. He had a quality about him that drew people to him; hell it got me.

The entire base is in mourning. Ever since he did that glow thing in the infirmary there's been a depression everyone is feeling. Sam's being comforted by Jacob but she's pretty much inconsolable since her 'twin' has gone. Teal'c is in constant Kel-no-reem, Hammond is pretending to work, Janet is with Cassie and I'm in Daniel's office. We'll have to tell Kasuf and Skaara, I'll have to do it because I owe it to them both. Two more people who loved him, his family.

x

He seemed happy. Content with his decision.

That's something I haven't seen in him in a long time.

Losing Sha're, Shifu entering and leaving his life so quickly, not being able to save his friend Sarah and death all around constantly ate away at him. I could see it in his eyes over the past few months yet he didn't think about himself when he stopped that weapon.

That's who he was, that was the kind of person Daniel was…is, self-sacrificing.

We'll have to work out what to do with all his stuff. My office always looked the epitome of tidiness compared to this mess but he always knew where everything was.

Gently picking up Sha're's picture I gaze in wonder at the sweet woman who loved my friend as deeply as he loved her. It gets me wondering if he would have done all the insane things he did if she were alive and with him.

I'm guessing no.

So many times over the past few years I wished she were here for him but none more than today because he wouldn't have left me…us.

x

Even as he lay dying I couldn't tell him what he truly meant to me. Daniel was the best friend I ever had. He saw me in the darkest moments of my life and pulled me through. I don't think he ever realised how much we all need him as our guiding light. How much we all love him

Looking back down on his guiding light I smile an idea springing to mind. I carefully wrap her picture in a piece of cloth and leave the base.

x

I don't honestly remember the last time I slept but I don't feel tired as I sit here fixing this. It took me a while to find the right picture of Daniel but finally I did. It was taken in a rare moment not long after he'd come back to Earth when he was daydreaming about happier times and his smile actually reached his eyes. When I finished I fixed it in the frame and placed it prominently on the mantelpiece. Looking at them together the way they should be, I finally let myself feel it. As my tears started to fall I raised my beer to the man who opened the universe to us but lost so much because of it.

Good luck to you Dr Jackson, Daniel, Danny, Spacemonkey, my friend. Good luck to you wherever you are.


	2. Sam

Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

* * *

**SAM **

I don't know how long I've been crying but I just can't seem to stop.

Daniel's gone.

For the past few hours since he disappeared in a ball of light I've been sitting here being hugged by my father. I'm so tired. I don't remember the last time I slept though maybe I am sleeping and this is all a dream. I wish that were true because I could wake up from this and he'd still be here.

x

Daniel became like a brother to me, Jack would tease us about being twins and in a way we were. I adore him and I have since the moment I met him. Okay, my gushing hello earned me a confused look from him and a 'keep away' look from Sha're. Though she never had to worry about anyone taking him from her, Daniel worshipped her. After Sha're was taken Daniel lived to find her and I was lucky enough to become his friend. When she died I feared he would leave us but he pulled through.

Now he's gone.

x

Dad keeps telling me it's not my fault, there was nothing I could have done and I know this is true, I do. But as usual there's this small part of me that keeps thinking maybe I missed something. Watching him die though, watching him in agony was unbearable and I agreed with Janet in her wish just to stop his suffering. It tore her apart that she couldn't save him.

It's odd after all these years we've pulled ourselves out of the fire and come home together that SG1 now no longer exists. Well it does but not in the way it should. It's going to be hard over the next few months trying to work without him there. Daniel was an integral part of SG1's incredible dynamic.

After he'd gone Teal'c whispered something then Selmac added something else. Dad told me it was a sort of blessing in his memory.

Dad became friends with all of SG1 and I know he had a soft spot for Daniel because that was what Daniel did. He got to you and you found yourself wanting to protect him. He had so many friends and admirers within the SGC that he didn't realise about and everyone is in mourning for his loss.

x

After he left we split. Janet went to write her report and work out how to tell Cassie. I can't do that, Cassie has always adored Daniel and to lose him without the chance to say goodbye will be devastating for the little girl who's already lost so many people she loves. Teal'c told us he needed to enter Kel-no-reem soon otherwise he would become ill. General Hammond also had to write a report and the Colonel just left. I don't understand why he doesn't seem to care?

He smiled strangely before disappearing. I always thought they were closer than any of us, I knew how much Daniel depended on Jack yet he's not even slightly sad Daniel's gone. He seems, not happy but in some way pleased.

Not pleased but…it's hard to describe. I want to ask him how he knew that Daniel wanted Dad to stop and I will. I don't know if he'll tell us but I have to ask.

x

I'm going to miss Daniel so much but wherever he is I hope he's finally got the peace he deserves.


	3. Teal'c

Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

As always I found Teal'c the hardest to write for but hopefully I got his voice. This makes reference to my story Forgiveness but it's not necessary to have read it

* * *

**TEAL'C**

As much as I try I find I cannot enter Kel-no-reem. The events of the past few hours keep replaying within my mind, the loss of the young man who became the heart and soul of the small group of people I was honoured to be part of has devastated me.

During my years as First Prime I saw and did many terrible things, no less than taking the wife Daniel adored away from him, but he forgave me and at one point even argued for my actions. Daniel Jackson became my friend and I found this an honour I was sure I was not worthy of.

Because of me he lost so much and yet he never once hated or blamed me instead he offered me his hand in friendship. Someone like that should not have had the pain and heartache he went through. I just hope now he has found the peace he truly deserves.

x

Watching him in such pain was agonising to all of us.

I found Major Carter crying outside the room not wanting to do it in front of him; I am pleased that Jacob Carter is here to comfort her just now. General Hammond is doing a report, Dr Fraiser is doing her work and Colonel O'Neill just disappeared.

I wish to know how he knew that Daniel Jackson wished just to go and I know both Major Carter and myself shall ask when we get the chance.

x

Trying once again to settle into my much-needed Kel-no-reem I think back to when he came and spoke of what Sha're told him before she died. It was about a week later he came and gave me a fresh white candle for my Kel-no-reem. O'Neill told me it was a peace offering. The candle has never been used; I had never wished to use it but now.

Carefully I light the candle and relax closing my eyes. As I move deeper into my meditation memories of my friend play in my mind and I smile.

He is somewhere much better than here. He will no longer be harmed and I know that the rest of SG1 will agree that it is the best thing for him.

His memory shall live on in the SGC. This place is his legacy, he opened the Stargate and he shall be forever remembered. As O'Neill said at his memorial service so many years ago, he opened the Universe to the people of the Tauri. Now he has taken the next step into it.

x

I will always miss him but knowing he wanted it makes it easier. Daniel Jackson may be gone physically but his spirit lives in every part of this base and in every person lucky enough to have known him.

SG1 shall carry his spirit forever.


End file.
